Bacon Hater

Well, this is certainly a disappointment. I found an unmarked cassette tape lying on the ground this evening in a park near my house. I was hoping to play it and maybe hear some local garage band, or some kids freestyle rapping, or... something! I threw on Side A without rewinding, and the first thing I hear is a radio ad for the Wendy's "Baconater" burger, followed by some dance music. Not bad, but not what I was hoping for. I rewound the tape and started Side A from the beginning - and immediately my stupid free tape deck ate the tape. Ugh.

But, back to the Baconater... This sandwich has six strips of bacon, which, to me, is not enough. I mean, sure, it's a tasty amount of bacon. And yes, coupled with the double cheeseburgers, it's enough to deem the sandwich "unhealthy." But if you're going to make a sandwich like this, I say you put eight strips of bacon on it, and here's why:

1. With two burger patties and two slices of cheese, I believe that the bacon should also be applied in two layers, not just on top. Such a sandwich construction would be, from bottom to top: Bottom bun, beef, cheese, BACON, beef, cheese, MORE BACON, condiments (apparently it comes with mayo and ketchup), and finally the top bun. And if this construction were carried out, I believe that each LAYER of bacon should be four strips, because three strips of bacon just wouldn't cover enough area to make it worthwhile. Hence, eight strips.

2. Some genius already named it The Baconater. Have some fun with that name and call it The Bacon Eighter! With EIGHT mutherfunkin' strips of bacon! Just DO IT. For your ads, you can create some dweeby character called the Bacon Hater who is always getting CRUSHED by the massive power of the Bacon (sort of like the Noid from the old Domino's commercials).

Come on, Wendy's. You've made a sandwich with some balls, now make those balls a little greasier.